Shakin' Street — A Parkinson's Blog

I was recently pitched on brain surgery.

At a meetup sponsored by a local Parkinson’s organization, my wife and I met a rep for a medical device company. The product she represented is used for DBS — Deep Brain Stimulation. During the course of our conversation, she went through the features and benefits of DBS, handed us her business card, and invited me to call her any time if I had any questions about the procedure.

To be clear, she did nothing unethical. Part of her job is to attend networking events and meet people who might be candidates for DBS. I’m not a candidate now, but who knows what things will be like in 5 or 10 years?

Over the course of a 30-year sales career, I attended dozens of networking events and attempted to establish similar connections with potential advertisers.

But it’s startling to realize I’m a prospect because I have Parkinson’s. It got me thinking.

Having a progressive, chronic illness is expensive.

Each time I visit a neurologist or physical therapist, pick up my medications, or join a gym, money changes hands. There are a lot of businesses interested in the boodle.

I may think of myself as a husband, father, and patient. But I’m also a lead.

A few days ago I watched a recorded “educational” webinar put on by a naturopath in Utah. To watch it, I had to give them my name, email address, and phone number.

The webinar was mostly a video brochure for the clinic and its “miracle” results. There was very little about what they do, although a patient testimonial hinted that it had something to do with stem cells. The last 5 minutes were a hard-sell pitch from the doc to sign up for a phone call with one of their coaches.

Before the presentation had even ended, I received a text from “Jan” at the clinic asking if I was available to talk. When I didn’t respond, she called me 20 minutes later.

I spent years as a sales trainer, so I get it: The lead will never be more interested than he is when he watches the webinar. Immediate follow-up increases the chances of a productive conversation.

The text and the call, while a little aggressive, would not have been out of place in a conventional B-to-B sales environment.

But here’s how it felt to me: they hadn’t hit their July budget, it was the end of the month, and Jan needed one more close to make President’s Club.

Not what I’m looking for in a medical advisor.

A few weeks ago I was approached by someone selling patches that adhere to the skin. The company website does not mention Parkinson’s or any other disease — it is carefully vague about the benefits, which involve general “wellness.”

But the salesman alerted me to a YouTube testimonial from a man claiming to have reversed his Parkinson’s symptoms using the patch. It’s a compelling story, although there is way to know whether his symptoms really improved after using the patches, and if so whether the patches had anything to do with that improvement.

In fact, there’s no way to know if the guy even used the patches — or if he has Parkinson’s at all. We’re expected to take his word for it.

I’m not saying the product doesn’t work. Maybe it does. But there’s no proof either way.

What I do know is that the patches are sold on a multi-level marketing basis (think Amway). If I’d bought them, I had the opportunity to become a distributor myself.

I’ve turned down the chance to buy, or sell, this product. But my online research has caused Facebook to start serving me ads from a competing “wellness patch” company.

In fact, I’m getting ads from a wide variety of businesses hoping to earn a piece of my Parkinson’s dollar.

Here are some of them — I see plenty more every day:

Do any of these things work? My guess is some do and some don’t. But I have neither the time nor the bank account to try everything I see.

For now, my medication/exercise routine is delivering the desired results — symptoms have been stable for over a year.

If that changes, I’ll be sure to contact some of the organizations jockeying for my attention.

It’s flattering to be a lead.

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BONUS FOR THOSE WHO READ TO THE BOTTOM

To celebrate the Paris Olympics, I’ve repeatedly watched one of the great SNL sketches of all time — “Synchronized Swimming” with Martin Short and Harry Shearer. The only video I could find of the full sketch is on Facebook.

It does not appear to be embeddable, so a link will need to suffice. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=189427659893211

In 2019, Patti Smith joined a choir in New York to sing her anthem “People Have the Power.” That’s all I know about this performance, which is magnificent. Five and a half minutes of pure joy.