Shakin' Street — A Parkinson's Blog

If you’ve worked in sales for a major company, the odds are you’ve come across a product called Salesforce.

For those who haven’t, Salesforce is a “Contact Relationship Management” platform, or CRM. It’s a computer program designed to help management track salesperson activity:

• Who are their customers and prospects?
• How often are the salespeople meeting with or talking to their clients and prospects?
• How many opportunities are in the pipeline? How many active proposals does each salesperson have?
• How much business is already on the books… and how much is coming?

If a team or individual isn’t hitting their sales goals, managers can look in Salesforce and see who is generating enough activity, and who isn’t.

What does this have to do with Parkinson’s?

Hang on, I’m getting there. Stay with me.

Okay… continue.

It’s up to the sellers to fill the information in. Each time we ask a customer for money, we log a proposal in Salesforce. We record every meeting, every phone call, every text exchange, every LinkedIn message.

The system depends in part on the honesty of each seller. It’s possible to log a meeting that never took place, or a phone conversation that didn’t happen, or a proposal that never really existed.

Did you ever do that, Phil?

I’d rather not discuss it.

But I will observe, generally, that if Corporate wants to see 15 meetings in a week, it’s not that hard to give them what they want.

.

The part of Salesforce you can’t fool

“The ball don’t lie.” — Former Portland Trail Blazer Rasheed Wallace

Every time a customer agrees to buy something, an order goes into the system, and the dollars show up in Salesforce.

You can hoodwink your managers for a while by recording activity that never happened. But it is activity that (done properly) will turn into business. A lack of activity will ultimately turn into a lack of sales.

Salesforce will not be hoodwinked.

.

Please get to the “Parkinson’s” part.

Okay, here goes.

As I’ve discussed previously, the only thing proven to slow the progression of Parkinson’s is exercise. So I’m signed up for a bunch of exercise programs.

Among my regular activities is a 6am indoor cycling class twice a week. I’ve got to get up before 5 to make it on time. I am not a morning person.

Earlier this week, my alarm rang at 4:45am. I turned it off and seriously considered putting on my gym clothes and going back to sleep on the couch downstairs.

I’d set my watch to wake me up at 7:15, go back upstairs and get in the shower.

My spouse would never know I blew the spinning class off.

.

Parkinson’s will not be bamboozled.

Parkinson’s will know.

Like a sales pitch that never took place, my body will not give me credit for the 45 minutes I didn’t spend with my heart rate in the target zone.

Gym memberships and entries on my calendar won’t slow the progression of a progressive disease. Real exercise, done consistently, might.

I imagine Mr. Parkinson sitting back and waiting for me to start skipping classes. He will not allow me to talk my way out of the consequences.

All of this went through my mind just before 5 AM on a weekday.

So I ate a bowl of Grape Nuts, grabbed my bike shoes, and drove to the gym.

.

Bonus for Those Who Read to the Bottom

If Jimmy Page had grown up in West Virginia…

.

Turns out that what “Ace of Spades” needed was a horn section. Who knew?

.

Brace yourself.