Constellations are a hoax.
As a Boy Scout, I joined other boys in looking up at the sky, straining to see the Big Dipper. The other kids claimed to recognize it. They were, I am sure, just sucking up to the Scoutmaster.
I, by contrast, reported that the Big Dipper did not exist. I couldn’t see it, which meant it wasn’t there. I explained that constellations are a ruse concocted by Big Astronomy, which just wants to sell us telescopes and planetarium tickets.
The Scoutmaster, clearly compromised by the Space Cartel, rejected my argument. I did not make Eagle Scout.
Maps are another mystery for me. I can handle written directions, but when someone offers to draw me a diagram, I check out.
Words I understand. Pictures? Nope. Where’s Waldo? I haven’t a clue.
It’s not a Parkinson’s thing — I was born this way.
Which Brings Me to Pips
Since my Parkinson’s diagnosis, my #1 fear has been cognitive decline. Although research on the benefits of “brain games” is inconclusive, I took up Sudoku a few months ago. Can’t hurt, might help.
Recently, the New York Times launched an online dominoes game called Pips. My wife, the talented and patient PDXKnitterati, attempted to show me how to play it.
Ms. Knitterati can interpret pictures — she’s a knitting instructor and pattern designer. She sees things I don’t see.
Our Pips lesson did not go well. The instructions made no sense to me. Even in “Easy” mode, I couldn’t figure out where to put the dominoes or why. I quickly lost interest, and after a while we gave up.
Before Parkinson’s, that would’ve been the end of it. But I spent the next morning stewing about the experience.
Would it have made a difference if the dominoes had numbers on them instead of dots? Was my problem with Pips the same one I’ve always had, or was this a sign I was slipping?
If I tried again, could I figure it out? If I figured it out, would that be a sign I was still ok?
I fired up my iPad, went through the Times game tutorial, and tried “Easy” mode again. No luck.
I went to YouTube, found a couple of “How to Play Pips” videos, and watched them both. Went back to “Easy” mode and… completed the puzzle.
Self-diagnosis: cognition intact.
Pips is now part of my daily routine, and I’ve move up to “Medium” difficulty. Perhaps someday I’ll look at a map.
The other night I went outside and looked for the Big Dipper. It wasn’t there.
Hoax.
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Bonus for Those Who Read to the Bottom
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“House of the Rising Sun,” but catchier than you may remember it.
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An acoustic guitar army tackles “Walk This Way.”
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A “progressive bluegrass” take on the Peter Gabriel classic.
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The moon landing? Also a hoax. Here’s what really happened.
Shakin' Street -- A Parkinson's Blog 
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